"Tell them babies come from the stork."

Blogs and over 100 organizations have are all over this one: Republicans are proving beyond a shadow of a doubt that they've got the "cover your ears and yell 'lalalalala' whenever sex is mentioned" market cornered with their latest magnum opus: 4parents.gov. The website takes an ignorant approach to sexual orientation, recommending counselling for kids who come out and passes off right wing talking points as facts, downplaying the effectiveness of condoms.

For the Department of Health and Human Services, "family planning" consists of timing a woman's menstrual cycle to determine when she's most fertile, and not having sex during that time. Failsafe, if you're looking to get knocked up. They don't provide information on how to properly implement such methods, and they say "natural family planning" has the same failure rate as emergency contraception, when these rates actually vary a great deal. Go to Planned Parenthood to get the facts straight.

On the negative impact of teen pregnancy (which mystically seems to happen even when teens promise not to have sex...immaculate conception, not lack of contraception...that's gotta be it):

"Did you know that teens who become parents:
-Are more likely to end up poor or on welfare;
-Have fewer job opportunities;
-Have fewer educational opportunities; and
-Are less likely to marry."

Funny, these are all side effects of Bush administration policy already.

Kids will be totally screwed (literally and figuratively, since they're more likely to get an STD if they sign abstinence petitions, and more likely to engage in kinkier activities--read Bill Maher's hi-larious take on how kids are "thinking outside the box") if this is all they've got to go on from teachers and from parents. This sad, malconceived website makes the Department of Homeland Security's oh-so-useless scare tactic, ready.gov, look like an invaluable tome (it tells people which way to shit themselves in case of a nuclear blast...check out the graphic, reminiscent of the calm airplane passengers plunging to their death on seat-back pocket cards that Tyler Durden ridicules in Fight Club).

Teens don't need scare tactics and closed mindedness in sex ed. They need communication, acceptance, and condoms. Help them get what they need.